Recovery Revelations: Four Lessons Sobriety Has Taught Me

Recovery Revelations: Four Lessons Being Sober Has Taught Me

I sat on the sofa in my counselor’s office, numb and staring a hole through the floor. Her question was ricocheting off every surface inside my head. I could feel it throughout my entire body like it had taken possession of me. I knew the answer, but I couldn’t say it. I’d known the answer for years and had never said it aloud. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. DON’T SAY IT.

The question was simple: “What’s holding you back?”

DON’T SAY IT.

“What’s keeping you from letting go and moving forward?”

DON’T SAY IT.

My throat was tight. My body tingled as my unruly mind searched for any answer other than the truth.

Then it came flying out.

“It’s the drinking.”

Wait, what? Who said that? Was it me? I didn’t just say that, did I? What sequence of terrifying events have I just set in motion??

“Are you ready to quit?” she quickly replied.

“Yes.”

And just like that, the weight lifted. I was still scared to death, but enormously relieved.

After years of alcohol misuse, a devastating divorce, one mental breakdown, the loss of a successful business, and finally my 13-year-old daughter cutting ties with me, I’d spit out the words that would not only change my life but save it.

After years of alcohol misuse, a devastating divorce, one mental breakdown, the loss of a successful business, and finally my 13-year-old daughter cutting ties with me, I’d spit out the words that would not only change my life but save it.

So hi, my name is Bill, and I’m an alcoholic.

At the time of this writing, I had just celebrated eight years of sobriety. Throughout my journey of recovery, I’ve learned many lessons that have helped me stay sober, and experienced revelations that I never would have known otherwise. Here are four of the most important:

1. I have to surrender control every day.

I inherently knew I could not quit drinking for good all on my own. I’d gone dry a few times in the past for short periods, but always fell back into my love affair with alcohol. Then I realized: The “Bill plan” wasn’t working. It was time to submit to God’s plan.

In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Steps 2 and 3 are, “(We) Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. (We) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

I am a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ. The God of my understanding, as they acknowledge in AA and other 12-Step programs like those at The Meadows, is the God of the Bible. If you believe differently, that’s OK. The point is in recognizing you need strength beyond your own to be sober.

That night after admitting my problem to my counselor, I literally got down on my knees and surrendered my will to my higher power, my God, and asked Him to take control. I allowed His will to supersede mine. I prayed for His strength daily. For the first time in my life as a Christian, I actively sought His wisdom and will for my life. That’s what changed everything for me. However, I can’t simply one day say, “Thanks for the help, God. I’m good! I’ve got it from here.” I have to surrender every day to His will in order to stay sober.

2. I had to forgive myself and let go of the past.

This was hard. Really hard.

When you’re sober, you have the clarity to recognize all the stupid stuff you did throughout your drinking career. That’s pretty heavy. It comes with a heaping serving of guilt, a side order of shame, and a bowl of self-loathing for dessert. If you’re not careful, you’ll keep going back to this all-you-can-eat buffet of regret, gorging on what’s behind you rather than focusing on what’s ahead of you.

Of course, you have to acknowledge all these mistakes and actually feel the emotions that come with them, but you must forgive yourself and move on. Oftentimes that’s harder than asking forgiveness from others you have wronged. But if you don’t forgive yourself, you’ll get dangerously stuck in a place that can threaten your sobriety.

For me, I had to turn once again to my higher power. The revelation happened close to my one-year sober anniversary while on a three-day backpacking trip through the Great Smoky Mountains. I was inside my tiny two-person trail tent reading a devotional by the light of my headlamp and came across a Bible verse from 2 Corinthians: “If any man is in Christ, he is a new creature. Old things are passed away and the new has come!” I realized that I was indeed a new creature. The old me was gone. If God could forgive me and put my past to death, then surely, I could do that for myself.

That verse breathed new life into my recovery. I decided to get it tattooed on my forearm as a daily reminder that I’m a new creature, and my past is gone. I was 46 at the time, and it was my first tattoo. It remains my only tattoo to this day.

3. Living without lying is incredibly liberating.

A very pleasant side effect of life in recovery is the freedom of living honestly. Who knew, right?

As an alcoholic I had to lie constantly to hide my addiction. I lied to my then-wife, my kids, my parents, my business partner, my dog, the Amazon delivery guy … pretty much everyone, including myself. I constantly made excuses for my actions. Then suddenly, in recovery, I realized all that was gone. All the lies, all the hiding, all the image maintenance and false fronts were just … gone. I had nothing to hide anymore. I had no cover to blow. What a relief!

As an alcoholic I had to lie constantly to hide my addiction. I lied to my then-wife, my kids, my parents, my business partner, my dog, the Amazon delivery guy … pretty much everyone, including myself.

However, you need to know this: It takes a while for people in your circle to trust you again, so temper your expectations that trust will be restored instantly, or even at all. You can’t control that. Just enjoy the relief of being able to live honestly.

4. Share your story to change minds and lives.

I understand not everyone is comfortable with this. After all, the second A in AA stands for “anonymous.” However, I believe there is power in story.

The people who need help the most aren’t at a meeting in a building every Tuesday night. They’re not there yet. But hearing your story might get them thinking about it. That’s why I believe once you’re secure enough in your sobriety, and if you feel led to do so, you should be open about your story when appropriate. You don’t have to write a book or start a podcast. Just be willing to talk about your journey.

I believe our society views addiction as a defect (which is somewhat true), or worse, a weakness. Let me tell you — some of the strongest people I know are sober people living in recovery. Perhaps sharing our stories will reshape how people in recovery are perceived. Perhaps it will help destigmatize the disease. Perhaps it will give someone else the nudge they need to start their own journey.

Embracing the New

So here I am, now sharing my story with strangers for the first time. I think back to that afternoon in my counselor’s office and wonder where I’d be today if I hadn’t spoken those three words, “It’s the drinking.” It’s understandable that I feared what would come next, but what actually happened was the transformative process of putting words into action.

Eventually, my daughter and I reconciled, and today I’m so thankful to say that we have never been closer. A few years ago, just before my fifth sober anniversary, she surprised me by getting a tattoo on her bicep (she was 18 at the time). She pulled up her sleeve and revealed the freshly inked words, a nod to my own tattoo: “Old things have passed away, and the new has come.”

Yes, it has, and it’s beautiful.

Bill Seymour is a business owner in Franklin, Tennessee, and a father of two grown children and one black Lab. He is an avid outdoorsman, musician, and coffee enthusiast who is always searching for the next documentary film to watch. His last drink was on August 24, 2016.