By Christa Banister
I’ll admit the first time I remember hearing a flight attendant say, “If there’s a loss of cabin pressure, make sure to secure your own oxygen mask before helping others.” It struck me as, well, selfish.
All I could think about were the helpless little babies, elderly, and rambunctious toddlers scurrying about because mom and dad put their oxygen masks on first.
I’d like to say this was the first — and last — time my Enneagram-2 “helper” tendencies steered me wildly off course. But after years of people-pleasing and pushing my needs aside for what I perceived as being “helpful,” I finally realized the best way to take care of others started with taking care of myself.
In other words, I finally embraced self-love. Which, as it turns out, isn’t selfish at all. And that rocked my world.
What Are the Benefits of Self-Love?
For some, loving yourself may sound a little hippie-dippie or downright Oprah-esque, but self-love is nothing more than “having regard for and interest in one’s own being and contentment,” according to the American Psychological Association.
It’s also more than booking that monthly pedicure, massage, or fun night out with friends. Loving yourself isn’t a one-off here and there. It’s a lasting commitment to acknowledging your worth and treating yourself with compassion, kindness, and understanding.
As you learn to acknowledge and meet your own needs with self-love, you will also experience added benefits, reports Forbes Health. For example, self-love helps with building self-esteem, managing adversity, and improving overall mental and physical health. It also leads to a greater empathy. When you treat yourself with patience and compassion, the practice extends to how you treat others, too.
How to Prioritize Loving Yourself
Do you often find yourself in draining relationships where you feel like the “giving tree” with no branches left from Shel Silverstein’s classic children’s tale?
Or maybe you know, deep down, that setting healthy boundaries with your parents, coworkers, friends, or spouse is something you need to do but you struggle to know how to begin.
Perhaps, you can’t forgive yourself for something that happened in the past. Or you’re unable to think of one thing you like about yourself, let alone love.
This is where practicing self-love as part of your daily life is so important. It’s been said that practice makes perfect, but with loving yourself, it’s less about perfection and more about being your own best advocate.
A few ways to get started include:
- Getting enough sleep
- Finding a way to move your body regularly, whether it’s a scenic walk, Zumba, your favorite sport, whatever brings joy
- Eating something nourishing rather than a steady diet of grab-and-go fast food
- Practicing true self-care
- Going to therapy for unresolved issues
- Setting aside time for your favorite hobbies
- Starting a gratitude journal to remind yourself of what’s good in your life
- Incorporating self-love affirmations that remind you that you deserve love, that you’re strong, courageous, confident, intelligent, resilient
- Making it a practice not to compare yourself to others
- Maintaining life-giving friendships that are a two-way street
- Establishing healthy boundaries to preserve your own energy and manage stress
When Self-Love Becomes Second Nature
It goes without saying that we’re all busy with a number of people, responsibilities, and noise constantly vying for our attention. Adding one more thing to the proverbial to-do list can feel overwhelming. Even if it’s for our good.
But the most important relationship in our lives, the one that’s often prioritized last, is the one with ourselves. Even the Holy Bible makes the important distinction to “love others as you love yourself” and appears 10 times throughout the scriptures.
It’s actually not selfless to become a shell of ourselves. When we recognize our needs and are intentional about finding ways to meet them, we are healthier, more fulfilled, and yes, even a better shoulder to cry on when someone we care about needs one.
Research shows that the longer someone is engaged, the greater chance of successful, long-term recovery. Here at Onward, we hope to foster that connection for all our alums so you can continue to feel empowered as you navigate your recovery. Learn more about our resources and ongoing support by reaching out today.